1. Give each passenger a round of applause as they enter or leave.
2. Blow spit balls at the ceiling.
3. Hum the theme from Mission Impossible with yours eyes darting around the elevator.
4. Have a seizure.
5. Jump up when the elevator reaches a stop.
6. Dress as a clergy member of the opposite sex.
7. Offer a bite of your fresh tangerine to everyone coming on board.
8. Read a book upside down.
9. Make SURE the emergency phone is working.
10. Try to purchase an article of clothing from the person next to you.

11. Untie one shoe, then tie the other. Repeat.
12. Ask someone to take your temperature, then turn around.
13. Tell the passengers not to worry. The bomb won't go off for at least another two minutes.
14. Eat jello through a straw.
15. Ask them what floor they are heading toward, then press the wrong button.
16. Scratch yourself.
17. Collect an elevator tax.
18. Recite poetry in monotone.
19. Attempt to hypnotize the other passengers.
20. Tell everyone about the hidden rooftop penthouse belonging to the mob.

21. Scribble furiously on a notepad while looking at each passenger. When they try to look, hide the pad.
22. Pray to Budda.
23. Lick gummy bears and stick them to things (the walls, the buttons, the passengers, etc.).
24. When the doors open, pretend you did it with your mind.
25. Ask everyone what they made for their side dish.
26. Place police tape (CRIME SCENE DO NOT CROSS) on the inside of the doors.
27. Hug yourself.
28. Wear complete SCUBA gear, then offer your buddy hose to the other passengers.
29. Tap dance.
30. Clutch your stomach and gasp.

31. Pick your nose.
32. Tell everyone about your love life.
33. Preach about the end of the world.
34. Give each passenger a ticket and remind them that door prize drawing is in half an hour.
35. Play dead.
36. Offer hitman services.
37. Make farm noises.
38. Blow your nose without a hanky.
39. Walk in circles. Change directions when you hit a passenger.
40. Perform the Hamlet soliloquy. When a new passenger enters, start over again.

41. Wear a ski mask and carry an axe.
42. Greet everyone with a smile and a handshake, then ignore them.
43. Play patty-cake with the door.
44. Open a lemonade stand.
45. Count down from 100,000 out loud.
46. Go into extreme detail explaining how you were trapped in an elevator once for two days.
47. Wear a Santa suit... in June.
48. Hum the theme to Jeopardy.
49. Mumble autistically about the possibilities of elevator accidents.
50. Hum the theme to Speed.

From: NXRichey@west.com
To: khai@earthling.net
Subject: Elevator Humor
Date: Thursday, 23 April 1998 0:57

After the first list surfaced, I came up with these in my office.
The only prove I have that they are mine is the fact that I worked for the
government at the time, so what else did I have to do?  Enjoy.

Noyes Richey III
Nxrichey@west.com

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