Love Letters - Part 1

TO MY DEAR WIFE:

During the last year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times.  I have 
succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.  The 
following is a list of why I did not succeed.

 1. The sheets are clean........................................54 times
 2. It's too late...............................................17 times
 3. I'm too tired...............................................49 times
 4. It's too early..............................................20 times
 5. Pretending to be asleep.....................................15 times
 6. It's too hot................................................15 times
 7. The neighbors will hear us...................................3 times
 8. Headache....................................................22 times
 9. Sunburn......................................................7 times
10. Your mother will hear us.....................................9 times
11. Not in the mood.............................................43 times
12. You will wake the baby......................................17 times
13. Watching the late show.......................................6 times
14. New hairdo...................................................5 times
15. Too sore....................................................16 times
16. The wrong time of the month.................................12 times
17. We have to get up early.....................................19 times

Of the 36 times that I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory 
because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you told me that there was
a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over 
with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I had finished, and once
I was afraid that I had hurt you because I felt you move.

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