Read Part 1 first if you haven't already...
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND: I think you have gotten things a little confused, here are the real reasons you did not get more than you did. 1. Came home drunk and tried to fuck the cat.....................5 times 2 Did not come home at all.....................................36 times 3. Did not come.................................................21 times 4. Came too soon................................................33 times 5. Went soft before you got in..................................19 times 6. Toes in a cramp..............................................10 times 7. Working too late.............................................38 times 8. Have to get up early to play golf............................29 times 9. In a fight, someone kicked you in the balls...................2 times 10. Caught it in your zipper......................................4 times 11. Got a cold and your nose kept running.........................3 times 12. Coffee was too hot and you burnt your tongue..................3 times 13. You had a splinter in your finger.............................2 times 14. Lost the notion after thinking about it all day..............20 times 15. Came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book...............6 times 16. Too busy watching football on T.V............................98 times Of the times we did get together, the reason I laid there was because you missed and were fucking the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was "WOULD YOU PREFER ME ON MY BACK OR KNEELING?" The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
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