Save the Whales (sexually suggestive)

Two whales, a male and female, are swimming off the coast of Japan when the boy looks up and sees the whaling ship that killed his father five years ago.

Excited at the opportunity to avenge his father's death, the male whale says to the female "Let's go underneath the ship and blow air through our blow holes. That ought to knock their boat over, and make them think twice about killing innocent whales." The female whale agrees, and the plan works perfectly.

Once the whaling ship has completely sunk, the male whale notices that most of the sailors are making their way back to the shore by either swimming or in lifeboats. Not willing to let them get away so easily, the male whale yells "They're going to shore - Let's go gobble them up!"

Just then, the female whale becomes less cooperative: "Sure", she says, "I agreed to the blow job, but there is NO WAY I'm swallowing seamen!"

From: John F. Krotzer Warsaw, Poland

Bell #4!

A fireman comes home from work and is all excited. He just can't wait to tell his wife the good news about a new system that they have down at the station. "Honey!" he says, "you're not going to believe this! Down at the station we have this new system and it's so great."

"When Bell #1 goes off we put on all our gear.
When Bell #2 goes off we slide down the pole and jump in the fire truck.
When Bell #3 goes off we speed to the fire in the fire truck."
He excitedly tells his wife.

Triumphantly he says, "We're going to do the same thing for our sex life!"

"When Bell #1 goes off we are going to strip naked.
When Bell #2 goes off we will jump into bed.
When Bell #3 goes off we will screw our brains out."

"Let's give a test run. Ok, ready?"

"Bell #1!" (they strip naked)
"Bell #2!" (they hop into bed)
"Bell #3!" (they start screwing there brains out)

A couple of minutes later the wife starts screaming "Oh, Bell #4! Bell #4!". The husband confused says, "Bell #4, What's that?"

The wife screams "More hose! More hose! You're not reaching the fire!!!"

The Complete Tan

A throughly-tanned man was admiring himself in his full-length mirror when suddenly he realized that the only part of his body that wasn't tanned was his penis. He decided that he should do something about it, so later that day he went to the beach and buried himself in the sand, with only his penis exposed.

Two elderly ladies came shuffling along the beach and noticed the protruding penis. One of the ladies poked it with her cane, and said to the other, "You know, there's no justice in this world." The other lady said, "What's that supposed to mean?", to which the first lady replied,
"When I was 20, I was curious about it.
When I was 30, I enjoyed it.
When I was 40, I asked for it.
When I was 50, I paid for it.
When I was 60, I prayed for it.
When I was 70, I forgot about it.
And now I'm 80, the damn things are growing wild...
And I'm too old to squat!"

Getting married

These three brothers all got married on the same day and all went to the same location for their honeymoon. That evening, they got together without their wives and were bragging about how much shagging they were going to do that night. They eventually came to an agreement that they would use some form of code words the next morning, in front of their wives, to let each other know how they had got on the previous evening.

Anyhow, the next morning came, and the three exhausted men were at the breakfast table with their wives. The waiter came over and asked the first what he wanted for breakfast and he replied: "I'll have TWO slices of toast please!" The other two knew what he meant and they subtly smiled to themselves.

When the second was asked, he replied: "I'll have THREE slices of toast please!"

The third brother at this point subtley smiled again and when he was asked, he replied: "I'll have FOUR slices of white...... and THREE slices of brown"