Parrots Antics

`The Retired Teacher & The Parrot`

A retired school teacher finally realized that she was tired of living alone and wanted some companionship, so after a good deal of thought, she decided to visit the local pet shop. The owner suggested a parrot with which she could conduct some civilized conversation. This seemed a good idea, so she bought the parrot and went home.

She sat him on a perch in her living room and said, "Say 'Pretty Boy'".
Silence from the bird.

"Come on now, say 'Pretty Boy'... 'Pretty Boy'."
At long last, disgustedly, the bird said, "Oh Shit!"

Shocked, the school teacher said, "Just for that, you get five minutes."
"Lay off for Christ's sake would you!" said the parrot.

Outrage, the woman grabbed the bird and said, "That's it! Ten minutes in the freezer for you!" and slammed the door on him.

Hopping about to keep warm, what does the parrot come across but a frozen turkey waiting for Christmas. Startled, he squawks, "My God, YOU must have told the old lady to go fuck herself!!"

`The Man & The Parrot`

A man suspected that his wife was cheating on him. Having tolerated the thought for many months, he finally decided to find out if it was true. He decided to buy a parrot from the pet shop.

At the shop, He found quite an assortment for sale from $200 to $2000, but that was more than he could afford. So he was most delighted to come across one that was going for only $30. 'How come that one is so cheap?" he asked the sales assistant.

"To tell you the truth, his dick's oversized and it is embarrassing to the customers," came the explanation. The man buys the bird anyway, since he only wanted it to spy on his wife. He returned home and installed it on a perch above his bed.

The next day, the first thing he did after coming home from work was to rush upstairs to his bed-room and demanded from the bird, "Well? So what happened in here today?"

"Er....the milkman came, and.... your wife told him to come into the bedroom and... they took of their clothes and... they got into bed..."

"So what happened next?" screamed the irate husband whose face was turning red.

"I don't know," said the parrot, "I got a hard on and fell off my perch."