TOP TEN SIGNS THE MOVIE YOU'RE WATCHING WILL NOT WIN AN ACADEMY AWARD

10. It still has the time code from the camcorder

9. Any combination of the words "police" and "academy" in the title

8. It's a movie about the Civil War and General Grant is wearing Dockers

7. You hear someone yelling, "Focus!" and you realize it's the director

6. It's a beautifully made documentary about two kids in the inner city trying to realize their dream of playing professional basketball

5. The last 20 minutes is a shot of Richie from Local 262 eating donuts

4. Your date had to jam a hypodermic needle full of adrenaline into your heart just to keep you awake

3. Before it starts, you hear, "Thank you for coming to Loews, sit back and relax, this movie blows!"

2. Nude scene with Uma Thurman replaced by nude scene with Strom Thurmond

1. Four words: "Dom DeLuise is Ghandi" [sic]

Compiled by Sue Trowbridge

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