TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE IN AN UNSAFE AIRPORT

   As presented on the 8/10/95 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN

  10. Hijackers are allowed to pre-board
   9. Mary Jo Buttafuoco walks through metal detector without her bullet setting it off
   8. Machines sell insurance just for your time in the airport
   7. White zone for unloading, red zone for reloading
   6. You-know-who is there filming a Hertz commercial
   5. As you board plane, gate attendant says "you poor son of a bitch"
   4. Runways have passing lanes
   3. You have to go through a metal detector just to enter the gift shop
   2. There are more shots being fired there than at the White House
   1. Electronic scanning equipment made by Westinghouse

Compiled by Sue Trowbridge

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