VIRUS ALERT!!

PLEASE IMMEDIATELY SCAN YOUR COMPUTER FOR THE FOLLOWING VIRUSES:

BOBBIT VIRUS:   
	Removes a vital part of your Hard Disk then re-attaches
	it. (But that part will never work again)

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS:
	Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB,
	and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

AT&T VIRUS:
	Every three minutes it tells you what great service you're
	getting.

MCI VIRUS:
	Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too 
        much for the AT&T virus.

PAUL REVERE VIRUS:
	This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It
	warns you on impending hard disk attack: Once, if by LAN; 
	Twice, if by C:

POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS:
	Never identifies itself as a "virus", but instead refers to 
	itself as an "electronic micro-organism".

RIGHT-TO-LIFE VIRUS:
	Won't allow you to delete a file, regradless of how young it it.
	If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a
	counselor about possible alternatives.

ROSS PEROT VIRUS:
	Activates every component in your system, just before the whole 
	damn thing quits.

MARIO CUOMO VIRUS:
	It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

ED TURNER VIRUS:
	Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGAR VIRUS:
	Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS (#2):
	Their is sumthing rong with yor komputer, ewe jsut cant figyour
	outt watt!

GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS:
	Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything
	is fine.

NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS:
	Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad
	just thinking about it.

FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS:
	Divides your hard disk into hunderds of little units, each of 
	which does pratically nothing, but all of which clain to be the
	most important part of your computer.

GALLUP VIRUS:
	Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lose 30 percent of their
	data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus 3.5 percent margin
	of error).

RANDALL TERRY VIRUS:
	Prints "Oh No You DON'T" whenever you choose "Abort" from the
	"Abort, Retry or Fail" message.

TEXAS VIRUS:
	Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

ADAM AND EVE VIRUS:
	Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS:
	The computer locks up, and the screen splits in half with the
	same message apperaing on each side of the screen. The message
	says that the blame for gridlock is caused by the other side.

AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS:
	You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

FREUDIAN VIRUS:
	Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own 
	motherboard.

PBS VIRUS:
	Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.

ELVIS VIRUS:
	Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs;
	only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations 
	across rural America.

OLLIE NORTH VIRUS:
	Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.

NIKE VIRUS:
	Just does it.

SEARS VIRUS:
	Your data wont' appear unless you buy new cables, power supply
	and a set of shocks.

JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS:
	Your programs can never be found again.

KEVORKIAN VIRUS:
	Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.

STAR TREK VIRUS:
	Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

HEALTH CARE VIRUS:
	Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends
	you a bill for $4,500.

GEORGE BUSH VIRUS:
	It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs...NO NEW FILES!" on
	the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your
	hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional
	Virus.

CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS:
	Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286AT.

CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS:
	Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the 
	reviews, but you still love it.